3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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