Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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