he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
