Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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