Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
