im drinking this country out of the recession.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
