I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
