u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
