Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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