know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
