Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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