Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Rumble strips road head = magical
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
