Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
