I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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