Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
