since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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