I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
