Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
