I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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