It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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