I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
