I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
