"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize