The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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