Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
