the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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