she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
