He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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