things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
