Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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