She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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