1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
