I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
