At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize