I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
