loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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