we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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