Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
