I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
