Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
