I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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