What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
