I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Randomize
