Swine flu. Run for my life!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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