I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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