Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
