That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
