peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
where are my pants?
in the oven.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
