If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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