just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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