Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
