anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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