I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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