thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
