I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
