well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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