My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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