I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
