i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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