Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
