i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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