remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
