who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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