I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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