apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize