New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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