It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We left the knife in your bed.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
