how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
