before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
