she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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